Lesbians and Gay Men Over 60. Where are they? Part 7
Lesbians over 60
For many gay women, lesbianism is not primarily sexual, but a wider form of female interdependence with more satisfactions than just a physical relationship. Lesbians over sixty, like gay men over sixty, grew up in a time of oppression and repression. Therefore, finding lesbians over 60 to study has not been easy for researchers to date. Monka Kehoe (2000) headed a study of some 100 lesbians starting in 2004. This is the most definitive study on lesbians to date. Since lesbians were women, they faced all the discrimination which women have endured, plus that of being both deviant and dependent on men for the most part. The most pressing problem for lesbians is loneliness. Social isolation is a major problem:
The Second World War, just as it did for gay men, allowed lesbians to meet and see each other as human beings, perhaps for the first time. In the 40s, 50s, 60s, lesbian bars were usually located in seedier parts of town. Like gay male bars, they were always subject to raids by the police; so, respectable lesbians avoided them. This left only the private party network as a way to meet. One elderly lesbian explained.
Another older lesbian discovered that
The era after the Second World War, in spite of McCarthyism, saw the emergence of the ‘Daughters of Bilitis’, the first nation-wide American organization devoted to the needs of lesbians.
Gay women are everywhere, from all colours and backgrounds and occupations. Their sexual history runs the gamut from exclusively homosexual, to bisexual, to asexual. As lesbians age, sex becomes a less important part of their lives, while companionship gains in importance. Like all aged people, they do not want to end their lives in an institution. Unless, of course, it is gay owned and operated, as some now are in the USA. “Their most serious problems […] are those that affect many women of advanced age in our society: loneliness and economic worries.”
Lesbians androgyny may impede their seeking help. Most lesbians over 60 have probably not married a man, and therefore have developed a concept of themselves as strong and independent. Courage, assertiveness, determination are characteristics lesbians try to cultivate in themselves and their personal lives. These characteristics are usually associated with masculinity. They are also important components in their value system. Because of this androgyny, they may attempt to put their personal independence as a roadblock in order to deny the various frailties that accompany advanced age. This can lead to greater disability in the future. Attitudes towards lesbians and aging play a major role in the delivery of services. Professionals, and the schools that train them need to develop courses that show a greater sensitivity to the needs of the elderly lesbian who has led an alternative lifestyle.
For many gay women, lesbianism is not primarily sexual, but a wider form of female interdependence with more satisfactions than just a physical relationship. Lesbians over sixty, like gay men over sixty, grew up in a time of oppression and repression. Therefore, finding lesbians over 60 to study has not been easy for researchers to date. Monka Kehoe (2000) headed a study of some 100 lesbians starting in 2004. This is the most definitive study on lesbians to date. Since lesbians were women, they faced all the discrimination which women have endured, plus that of being both deviant and dependent on men for the most part. The most pressing problem for lesbians is loneliness. Social isolation is a major problem:
“Homosexual unions exist among older people, but little is known about hem. Few
older homosexual couples have ‘come out’ and revealed their relationship openly,
preferring to present themselves as roommates or friends. Homosexuality was not
considered an acceptable personal choice when they were younger and they would
have been subjected to social censure. Fortunately, this climate is changing. It
is our impression that many more older people have chosen homosexuality as a way
of life than is commonly realized.”
The Second World War, just as it did for gay men, allowed lesbians to meet and see each other as human beings, perhaps for the first time. In the 40s, 50s, 60s, lesbian bars were usually located in seedier parts of town. Like gay male bars, they were always subject to raids by the police; so, respectable lesbians avoided them. This left only the private party network as a way to meet. One elderly lesbian explained.
“I have never felt part of a lesbian community. For several years I attended
meetings and social events, but I never felt at home there. I finally decided
that I came to this too late in life, - too set in a lifetime of other ways.
There is an ingrown closed quality in lesbian groups and in their relationships
that bothers me. I understand its roots, but it makes me uneasy."
Another older lesbian discovered that
“[…] it is more difficult to find lesbian oriented women who are really fun to
be with over a period of time. They seem to be so many “old maids’ (stiff
minded), permanently planted, unimaginative, unadventurous, and lacking a desire
to grow spiritually. Many have given up their quest. I now have more straight
women friends and companions for these reasons.”
The era after the Second World War, in spite of McCarthyism, saw the emergence of the ‘Daughters of Bilitis’, the first nation-wide American organization devoted to the needs of lesbians.
Gay women are everywhere, from all colours and backgrounds and occupations. Their sexual history runs the gamut from exclusively homosexual, to bisexual, to asexual. As lesbians age, sex becomes a less important part of their lives, while companionship gains in importance. Like all aged people, they do not want to end their lives in an institution. Unless, of course, it is gay owned and operated, as some now are in the USA. “Their most serious problems […] are those that affect many women of advanced age in our society: loneliness and economic worries.”
Lesbians androgyny may impede their seeking help. Most lesbians over 60 have probably not married a man, and therefore have developed a concept of themselves as strong and independent. Courage, assertiveness, determination are characteristics lesbians try to cultivate in themselves and their personal lives. These characteristics are usually associated with masculinity. They are also important components in their value system. Because of this androgyny, they may attempt to put their personal independence as a roadblock in order to deny the various frailties that accompany advanced age. This can lead to greater disability in the future. Attitudes towards lesbians and aging play a major role in the delivery of services. Professionals, and the schools that train them need to develop courses that show a greater sensitivity to the needs of the elderly lesbian who has led an alternative lifestyle.
* to be continued *
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