Lesbians and Gay Men Over 60. Where are they? Part 6
What is it like to be an older gay male? According to Kinsey, 10% of the population is gay. That means 10% of the again population is also gay. Because, until recently, little research has conducted into the gay/lesbian aging community, many myths and misconceptions prevail. These myths and stereotypes concerning the aging gay male,
John Alan Lee in his book, Getting Sex, states that there are three crises in the lives of gay men: coming out; loss of someone believed to be committed as a lifelong lover; and aging. The older gay person has often been depicted as a pathetic, lonely character who leads a tragic life isolated from society. The movie “Death in Venice” is a case in point.
But what little research has been done disproves this picture. Contrary to popular belief, older gay persons are just as psychologically well adjusted as heterosexuals, and perhaps better equipped to handle the trauma of the loss of their partner than heterosexual couples.
Kelly summarizes the false stereotypes of the older gay man:
Kelly’s study disproves these myths and shows that there is little resemblance between the actual gay male and the stereotypes society has of him. He also tells us something about the problems face by gay men. While gay men experience the same problems as other aging people, they also have to deal with unique discrimination related to the stigma associated with being gay. Some life insurance companies, for example, refuse to insure persons if they find out about their sexual orientation. This is increasing in this age of AIDS. Hospital visiting can be a problem since hospitals allow spouses special privileges, but gay partners have no legal avenue, unless the couple plans for each other. Again, AIDS has shown how painful this can be. When a lover dies, his partner can face legal hurdles and discrimination. If there is no will, the partner is left out in the cold. If the partner is not the executor of the will, then, he can be denied any say in the funeral arrangements. The family can try to overturn a will based upon undue influence; however, Quebec wills if done through a notary, are almost foolproof. Property ownership can also be a problem if the couple does not protect each other. Gays must go beyond the bounds of what is expected in a heterosexual relationship to protect each other from the vagaries of the family. Hostility towards gay is evident everywhere. Homosexuality is still too often not viewed as a viable lifestyle; so, educators, researchers and scientists ignore gays when doing studies. Ignorance is a form of discrimination.
It has been assumed that gays face the problems of aging without the traditional institutional supports of the family, church, and community agencies. In today’s world however, gays have made great strides in seeking acceptance in the larger society. The present day generation will be demanding more services. That fact alone will have implications for all the service industry, but particularly in the social service sector. We must begin to plan for this eventuality. Gays are not about to go back into the close. Gays and lesbians will be seeking what everyone else takes for granted, the right to be treated with dignity and the right to have access to all the range of services offered to the public at large. More research into the issues surrounding the aging process in gay men and lesbians needs to be done.
* to be continued *
“[…] when considered collectively, convey an image of the aging gay male as
dreading the onset of old age due to an overemphasis on youth in the gay
sub-culture, being unable to find partners due to the stigma of age, being
alienated from other gays and cut off from traditional family supports as well,
and having a low self-concept. In other words, aging for gay men has been
thought to generate difficulties apart from the usual vagaries of aging in the
culture at large.”
John Alan Lee in his book, Getting Sex, states that there are three crises in the lives of gay men: coming out; loss of someone believed to be committed as a lifelong lover; and aging. The older gay person has often been depicted as a pathetic, lonely character who leads a tragic life isolated from society. The movie “Death in Venice” is a case in point.
But what little research has been done disproves this picture. Contrary to popular belief, older gay persons are just as psychologically well adjusted as heterosexuals, and perhaps better equipped to handle the trauma of the loss of their partner than heterosexual couples.
Kelly summarizes the false stereotypes of the older gay man:
“He no longer goes to bars, having lost his physical attraction and his sex
appeal to the young men he craves. He is oversexed, but his sex life is
unsatisfactory. He has been unable to form a lasting relationship with a sexual
partner, and he is seldom active sexually any more. When he does have sex it is
usually in a “tea room” (public toilet). He has disengaged from the gay world
and his acquaintances in it. He is retreating further and further into the
“closet” fearful of disclosure of his “perversion” […] In a bizarre and deviant
world centered around age he is labeled “an old queen” as he has become quite
effeminate.”
Kelly’s study disproves these myths and shows that there is little resemblance between the actual gay male and the stereotypes society has of him. He also tells us something about the problems face by gay men. While gay men experience the same problems as other aging people, they also have to deal with unique discrimination related to the stigma associated with being gay. Some life insurance companies, for example, refuse to insure persons if they find out about their sexual orientation. This is increasing in this age of AIDS. Hospital visiting can be a problem since hospitals allow spouses special privileges, but gay partners have no legal avenue, unless the couple plans for each other. Again, AIDS has shown how painful this can be. When a lover dies, his partner can face legal hurdles and discrimination. If there is no will, the partner is left out in the cold. If the partner is not the executor of the will, then, he can be denied any say in the funeral arrangements. The family can try to overturn a will based upon undue influence; however, Quebec wills if done through a notary, are almost foolproof. Property ownership can also be a problem if the couple does not protect each other. Gays must go beyond the bounds of what is expected in a heterosexual relationship to protect each other from the vagaries of the family. Hostility towards gay is evident everywhere. Homosexuality is still too often not viewed as a viable lifestyle; so, educators, researchers and scientists ignore gays when doing studies. Ignorance is a form of discrimination.
“There is little evidence […] to suggest that being gay causes problems in old
age, but there is a great deal of evidence to suggest that social stigma cause
problems for aging gays. Only when society becomes aware of and accepts this
important distinction can full acceptance and equality for older gay people
become a real possibility”.
It has been assumed that gays face the problems of aging without the traditional institutional supports of the family, church, and community agencies. In today’s world however, gays have made great strides in seeking acceptance in the larger society. The present day generation will be demanding more services. That fact alone will have implications for all the service industry, but particularly in the social service sector. We must begin to plan for this eventuality. Gays are not about to go back into the close. Gays and lesbians will be seeking what everyone else takes for granted, the right to be treated with dignity and the right to have access to all the range of services offered to the public at large. More research into the issues surrounding the aging process in gay men and lesbians needs to be done.
* to be continued *
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